Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
