Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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