he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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