I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
