I think I won the penis lottery.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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