Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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