Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
