ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
