last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
