Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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