My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
