Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
