There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
