Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
