I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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