Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
