i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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