9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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