On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
