You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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