Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
