This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
