I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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