you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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