the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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