I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
