Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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