he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
we should paint friendship bongs
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