I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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