They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am naked and annoyed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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