Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
