we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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