3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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