why didn't you poke me back
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
