I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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