Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
