we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
