Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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