I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
