i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
