:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
