I want to stick my p in your. b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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