Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
