...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
