You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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