Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
