Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
