Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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