I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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