We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
